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Jeremys Prophecy Dot Com

This is what they said in 2000 . . .

The world is a crazy place to live. Our leaders don't live by their own values. Our churches teach us to judge. Our God promises salvation. We journey through life ... mental illness is a symptom of where we live and with whom we live. The salvation is the inevitable - we all need saving. May God have mercy on those of us who are more sensitive when in comes to living is this world. Thank you for your web site, it is very thought provoking...:-)
Lori <onacoffeebreak@yahoo.com>
Scottsdale, AZ USA - Friday, December 29, 2000 at 02:13:26 (EST)

I thank you for your website and your openess. I am 32 and suffer from depression. I thought that maybe I could provide some insight? or encouragement? that at least I can help someone else since I seem to be a bit older than some of the other people. Depression is an illness. You need medication along with psychotheraphy just to get through and manage it. I wish that there would be more research, solutions and understanding about it in life. We need to educate others and bring depression into the mainstream. Crying non-stop without being able to stop is a very big sign of depression. I have experienced this myself. It took me two years to recover. I never thought that depression would come back -- but it did. But the second time I recognized it. It came back 5 years later when I had a horrible boss...and I lost a boyfriend because of this...and am scared to take employment again. I am now trying to get myself up in the morning again and job hunt. But my family understands. I try and take as much action as I can. Yes I make bad decisions because of it. Yes I lose jobs, I lose relationships, I lose opportunities. BUT IT IS NOT MY FAULT. I never chose depression. I never asked for this to happen to me. But depression does not make me a bad person. We have to learn how to deal with the low periods and really savour the non-depressed times. I am still trying to accept that I have an illness...but that takes time. You did not choose depression. Don't opt for suicide. That is not a solution...rather go to sleep when you can't take it anymore. I highly recommend a book by Louise Hayes. We need to be kind to ourselves...even if all we can manage is 5 minutes out of the day. We need to compliment ourselves with what we are able to do -- even if it is as small as walking around the block. We need to be realistic with our expectations. No you won't be happy all the time -- especially when you are in deep deep depression...but it can get better. The world of television shows that everyone has perfect lives, but the reality is that people live with various illnesses...and I live with depression. Remember, no one would choose this illness. It is not your fault.
robyn <acure4all@yahoo.ca>
canada - Thursday, December 28, 2000 at 14:38:51 (EST)

There are times I wonder why I am here. Am I to set the example for others to follow? But I am no prophet, and now I am not even mentally healthy, whatever. This journey though life has had it's twists and turns, but now I have an excuse to be an artist. I have found beauty at last! The sane people are really missing the boat. Most of them can't sail either. Cruise on, Jeremy!
Lori <onacoffeebreak@yahoo.com>
Scottsdale, AZ USA - Wednesday, December 27, 2000 at 23:27:47 (EST)

I saw you guys (whomever it actually was) holding up your signs in Miami shortly after the November, 2000 presidental election. It was at Temple Isreal where Jessie Jackson was speaking. I was picking up my sons from Sunday School and all of the kids were looking out from the patio wondering who those guys were. Jessie was speaking in the sanctuary next door. I was impressed with your unobtrusive yet dramatic presence. Sort of like the John 3:16 sign seen at professional football games. Here I am. I'll be following the site. More later. JA.
John A.
miami, fl USA - Wednesday, December 20, 2000 at 13:44:30 (EST)

I really hope Jeremy gets better. Sometimes I think I may be crazy also. I made a suicide attempt and miraculously survived. Sometimes I think I should be in a mental institution. Most people who do not know me very well think I am quite normal. They think that I am extremely happy with no problems. Of course, that is not the case. I just don't know what to do. I really hope Jeremy gets well and the he gets released from the mental institution soon. As long as he admits he had a problem and asks for help, there is much hope for him. Hopefully, Jeremy will get better and lead a normal life with a bright future.
Alexis <Violet468@aol.com>
Philadelphia, PA , USA - Sunday, December 10, 2000 at 08:01:59 (EST)

I've never been to your site before, but i'm glad i stumbled upon it. I feel for Jeremy like you wouldn't beleive. I'm a manic-depressive teen with a hell of a lot of problems...i know why he tried to kill himself...trust me i do. and in all honesty, im sorry he failed. because now he has to live a major part off his life cooped up in a hospital. god i wish he had succeeded in his suicide. I really do...because that seems to be the only way out of life at this point. I might sound morbid...but i dont mean to be...im being honest...i wish i could meet Jeremy so badly, cuz i can relate to him...although i dont know him at all...i dunno...good luck tho..and get him out of there...dont people realize it'll just make him want to die even more?
amanda <oikikchickoi@aol.com>
cranford, NJ USA - Friday, December 08, 2000 at 19:41:06 (EST)

Wow. I just popped back here to check the updates and see you have the E-book going. Good work guys! I am anxiously awaiting the novel in April. I will continue to support you and your mission. Jeremy is lucky to have such a wonderful support system. It is trying at times for you but know that there are several other people that can identify with you and with Jeremy. That is why sites like this are important. Keep up the Good work guys. Please email me the password to Jubilee.. Thanks
Nic <APoeticGemini@aol.com>
NYC, USA - Sunday, December 03, 2000 at 20:29:29 (EST)

My son has been experiencing feelings of depression and peculiar symptoms. No one seems to know what to do for him or believe he is sincere when he experiences episodes of: feeling like he responsible for bringing everyones mood down feels like he can't stay focused feel like he is useless to life feels like he can't communicate with people who are "normal" feels like he has supernatural powers that can help others sometimes feels like half the inside of his brain is missing vulnerable to drugs and alcohol Counselors don't seem to help Should he be on Lithium or Prozac both He is on herbs now What is Jeremy taking and do any of them make a difference? What are you young healthy men on? Are there any 20 year olds who have found success with this problem?
loretta for Nick <loretta@aub.com>
Weimar, CA USA - Saturday, December 02, 2000 at 18:14:18 (EST)

My son has been experiencing feelings of depression and peculiar symptoms. No one seems to know what to do for him or believe he is sincere when he experiences episodes of: feeling like he responsible for bringing everyones mood down feels like he can't stay focused feel like he is useless to life feels like he can't communicate with people who are "normal" feels like he has supernatural powers that can help others sometimes feels like half the inside of his brain is missing vulnerable to drugs and alcohol
loretta for Nick <loretta@aub.com>
Weimar, CA USA - Saturday, December 02, 2000 at 18:12:26 (EST)

CORAL SPRINGS, FL. USA - Wednesday, November 29, 2000 at 11:56:43 (EST)

I hope you accomplish everything you plan to with this website, it is really good. My heart goes out to you, Jeremy.
p. wren <chicken-nugget@usa.net>
delray beach, florida USA - Friday, November 17, 2000 at 17:19:03 (EST)

Jeremy: You are tha man. What is the color of the sky in your world? You have my vote!!! I hope you are strong enough to last through this BULLSHIT and be the man you think you are. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE.
Cravin Morehead
Buffalo, NY`` USA - Thursday, November 16, 2000 at 20:14:11 (EST)

Whaaaats Uppppp !!! We met Uncle Sam and Al Gore in West Palm Beach last night. Those guys are awesome !!!! Mental illness, we all have it. Keep rockin guys. See ya at the next National Crisis.
Hughes & Chirs <234123@aol.com>
Fayetteville, NC USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2000 at 18:59:40 (EST)

This site is awsome! It's exactly what I was looking for, someone who feels like me. I'm trying not to commit suicide every day, and this was just what I needed to keep going for today. Thanks.
Nikki <tree05022aol.com>
MI USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2000 at 17:35:57 (EST)

Well, I can say one thing... Standing behind a Dutch newsreader advertising your site, THAT's Mental Illness, hahaha!
Marlon <iaintgonnatellu@hahaha.com>
no, no USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2000 at 16:35:54 (EST)

I was diagnosed with manic depression at seventeen. But be for that i was in out of hosiptals from the age of fourteen till i was nineteen. you people that are making big jokes about this serious issue need to get a life and find something better to do then make fun of someone elses misfortunes. you people don't know how hard it is everyday for someone with a mental illness to survive in this world because of what society thinks of mental illnesses. living everyday is a job for me and trying to keep my illness under control is hard. there are days when i really don't want to fight anymore but i do. to the people who put this site here i want to you to tell your firend that he does not live in this world alone and is not fighting the battle alone. let him know that there is many of us out here living our lives very normal and fighting for the unjust attitudes towards us. i always felt alone in this world and that my illness was just me alone and crazy people but now i know that it is every where and many people suffer from it. so i send my love to him and my prays and my strength to help him.
need to express my opinion <unknown>
canada - Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 21:17:36 (EST)

Hey Guys: Saw your Sign in German Television.
Ryan Hood <dixon@onlinehome.de>
Germany - Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 21:11:47 (EST)

Hi, Why do you advertise this website on Dutch television? Yep, we saw you live from West Palm Beach... gtx, Johan
Johan <johang@kpd.nl>
Leiden, Netherlands - Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 18:45:19 (EST)


USA - Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 17:58:38 (EST)

Hmmmmmmm...... Looks like most people learned of this site via the election. Mental illness should not be considered a serious problem. & locking someone in an asylum is not the solution. Neither is all this crazy medication they have these days. My mother is also a victim of mental illness. Everything happenes for a reason & mental illness is happening to people for a reason. Maybe Mentally Ill people know something that " NORMAL " people couldn't even possiby comprehend!
Pheenix, USA - Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 17:48:58 (EST)

BLAIR WITCH-type of PROJECT in the making. (nice) Fuck, I hope Al doesn't find out about my illegitimate child, JEREMY.
George Walker Bush <Tim@msnbc.com>
USA - Monday, November 13, 2000 at 20:07:05 (EST)

This website says nothing about this "Jeremy" person. In my opinion, it's just a way to sell e-books. Good job guys, I'm sure you will get very wealthy.
Margate, Florida USA - Monday, November 13, 2000 at 18:39:12 (EST)

I really don't care bout your comments.But y'all are very smart by using all this about the elections to get your site some hits.
Eric <Dunno>
Hialeah, Florida USA - Monday, November 13, 2000 at 17:47:52 (EST)

People need to be held accountable,not objects.Fear of inanimate objects is mental illness.
USA - Monday, November 13, 2000 at 09:06:10 (EST)

Yesterday I saw a guy on TV with a black curly wig holding a sign about this site. It was here on the the national Flemish (Belgian) TV, in a piece about the voting in Florida.
Marc D.
Belgium - Sunday, November 12, 2000 at 07:28:31 (EST)

I would hope suicide would not be an option for any one. As for me let me tell you about my experince with suicide My ex husband is an alcoholic and was before we got married, it runs in his family.He tried to OD on anti-depessants and I called posion contol. they told me to get him to a hospital ASAP.I picked him up,physically, and put him and our two children in the car drove 80 mph to the ER. to make a long story short, he lived. He refused to get help,and three miserible years later,I met a normal man and left my ex.To this day I never have recieved a thank you for saving his sorry ass and he is so self centerd that he has nothing to do with our children.I've been told they are better off without him,but tell that to a 8 and 12 year old kid. where am I going with this? I won't write something that may come back to haunt me BUT It's a shame that some people can screw up like that. Now I'm left trying to explain to two innocent kids why their father ignores them and why he would try to kill himself.DO I regret saving him? sometimes I do. He told me once he wished he would have succeeded. Me too.He should have gotten help for his addiction, we would still have a family.too bad for the innocent children that deal with the effects of chemical dependance and mental illnes.
pj <gopengo@yahoo.con>
tulsa, ok USA - Saturday, November 11, 2000 at 18:33:46 (EST)

I feel sympathy for anyone in a condition that is caused by actions other than of their own making. Maybe you folks should read some Voltaire, Kerouac or Mailer. Same message...better form.
NC USA - Saturday, November 11, 2000 at 15:58:40 (EST)

you guys should put a spell check on your website....the guys with the glasses, probably one of the best advertising ploys i have seen in a while. nice job. hope you sell a lot of whatever you want to sell.
jeremy bennett <jmartinbennett@aol.com>
lawrence, kansas USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 22:42:55 (EST)

This is the biggest waste of technology I`ve seen,to date. Everyone will be a minute dumber for every minute spent here. Jeremy isn`t the only one mental if you think the "must says" are any deeper than fortune cookie philosophy!
jumping jack flash <jjf@ yamamma.com>
USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 20:58:04 (EST)

Jeremy......I can feel you.....you...and.....your pain. Hello.......the black vacuum is endless....I am.....alone. Sometime I wish I.....turkey tits......could go......monkey balls......home and just rest.....oops....sorry about the terets syndrom.....FUCK! If only.....if only.....if only I could lick my own balls......then I wouldn't have to be in here leaving these messages. The voices.....can you hear them.....SHUTUP!.....no you SHUTUP!.....no you SHUTUP! Hey, you, freak on tv today with the sunglasses and wig....your another Democrap, aren't you?
Dark Wraith <Sphincter@butthole.com>
Palm Beach, Florida USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 18:25:37 (EST)

Some of you are missing what this site is. jeremy has asked his friends to spread his words and knowlege to people outside. Not so that people can say depression and mental illness is a terrible thing. Not so that people can say jeremy needs to find jesus christ. But so that people will question their lives. People need to step back and look at their lives and figure out what it is they are doing. jeremy has tapped in to something that has given him great insight. Maybe that thing is a clear mind, unclouded by stresses and distractions of every day life. Try it yourself. Sit and meditate. Clear your mind of all thought. And then think. See what flows through you. And to anyone who is considering suicide, don't let this society defeat you. Stay strong. This world needs you. The pain and suffering you are enduring is making you a stronger person. And we need strong people. peace
jasoN <crowdsurf@hotmail.com>
Santa Barbara, CA USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 17:39:18 (EST)

I am glad to see so many people on this website. Depression is very seldom talked about. I suffered from it many times during my adolescence. I am over it today courtesy of the Lord. Having faith that everything has a purpose and a meaning and a good ending makes a huge difference. You can search high and low, you can go through many self- help junk and a thousand alternative ideals, but God is the only one who can deliver you out. Today I am still faced with a lot of junk in my life, but I know it is to make me stronger. It is a test, who wins? Who ever we allow to win, we can give in or fight for life.Just hang in there, even when that is all you can do. You will be the winner in the end, rather than the end of a potential winner.
USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 17:14:58 (EST)

I also saw the guy on TV and it's intriguing how many people you can reach that way. Any way, I work in the mental health system and I understand your frustration, but I would urge you to consider that maybe your friend is safer in a secure environment than out on his own. He has already tried to end his life once, and while he should not be considered a criminal, he well could be a danger to himself. As far as a cure for mental illness, there are some very good treatments, but often when dealing with the brain there is no cure in the near future. Good luck to you and your friend. God Bless
Bryan <snodog72@yahoo.com>
Marion, Indiana USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 17:09:49 (EST)

I was watching the presidential deadlock elections on tv earlier and I saw the guy with the wig and the sunglasses holding the sign with this website on it, so I thought I would check it out. I agree with your cause and I believe as you do, that mental illness is not a crime. Mental illness is a disease and like all other diseases, it needs to be cured. I think that Jeremy needs help, but not to be locked up. This kind of treatment can end up causing more damage than good. I am reaching out to Jeremy with all my heart because I too have been there. I am very interested in your cause and would like to know more. I am also requesting the password for " the jubilee". I wish Jeremy all the best.
Amanda <brookw@dixie-net.com>
Corinth, Mississippi USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:58:32 (EST)

I too just saw saw the wacky person with the sign which led me to this website. I just have to tell all the kids who posted the previous messages to find something in life you enjoy doing and do it. The teenage years are the hardest to get through emotionally. I could tell you that that is not what life is all about. But when your only 12 or 16 or 17, that is your whole life at that time. You don't have mortgages to worry about or anything else to keep your mind off of other people in your life who bring you down. Something terrible is going on right now to the young people, I don't know, just hang in there please. Get a puppy or something to make you happy. (I'm 31 by the way).
Moe <Moeliz@msn.com>
Palm Beach County , FL USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:31:54 (EST)

to all of you coming to this site who are ready to let go and see no reason to go on...if there is even one person in your life that you love or who loves you, there is a reason to go on. stop and think what it would do to the people you love. it would DESTROY their lives, DESTROY their memories of you, DESTROY every good thing in their world. the best friend i've ever had in my life killed himself nearly three years ago. he left so much more than grief behind and i know that i'll never be the same...i've been where you are, i've dealt with depression for most of my life and i've got the scars to prove it...but the worst, deepest most horribly painful scar i have, the one that will never heal, is the one no one sees...the one M. left the day he left us.
a.c. <sweetpea_ac@iname.com>
USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:14:19 (EST)

I was flipping through channels and I saw the guy holding the sign behind the reporter in Florida. Now I am stunned. That I could come across this at this time in my life. Yesterday, I was referred to a psychiartrist and neurologist because of my depression. I've just moved off to college and all the changes were just too over-whelming. I am just amazed that I ran across this today. Thank you, whoever you are, who held that sign up in Florida.
grace <sunshine92382@excite.com>
Tuscaloosa, Al USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:13:45 (EST)

I saw that fruitcake holding the sign. What a disgrace. Probably one of the morons who couldn't read the ballot. Jeremy should have shot the moron holding the sign. This site is stupid and a waste of good webspace.
SlapNutz <Dick_Gozinnya@yahoo.com>
Kansas City, MO USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:11:55 (EST)

Hi, I too saw the guy on FOX news holding up the sign and thought i'd check out this sight. As a believer in Christ as others have commented on, I can say that at one time in my life I was depressed and wanted to commit suicide. But, someone came into my life and shared Christ and now I live my life for Him. Please turn to Jesus, He loves you very much, I will pray for those who suffer.
Kerri <dreesfam@the-bridge.net>
MN USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:05:54 (EST)

You guys are freaks! I saw that fruitcake looking dude holding up a sign for this site on CNN while the reporter was talking. Dude, you need to get a grip and dress like a human, not a freakazoid! As for your little insane buddy, he's where he belongs bc he obviously is a danger to himself and others.
Kyle <kylegobraves@WebTV.net>
Cape Canaveral, Florida USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:04:49 (EST)

BTW, REVOTE! For Jeremy!
USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:04:40 (EST)

I saw a guy on CNN at the Palm Beach County courthouse right behind the CNN broadcaster. This guy was wearing dark glasses and a wig. He was holding a sign that read, "www.jeremysprophecy.com". Is this Jeremy?
USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:03:22 (EST)

I also saw your sign on CNN and had to look out of curiousity. I think I would vote for Jeremy at this point. ;)
Lulu <lulu@yahoo.com>
anywhere, FL USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 16:02:21 (EST)

i seen a guy holding a sign up that said jeremys prophecy on cnn today when they were dicussing who will be president so i decided to look i think it is a good thing you are doing for your friend i'm sure he appreciates it.
jackie jeffries <jackieje4@yahoo.com>
middletown, ohio USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 15:56:20 (EST)

I am 16 years old and I have tried to kill myself 6 times. Mostly from overdose, like Jeremy. I failed every single time, and I lived in mental hospitals for about 2 years. I know what it's like to be locked up.
Jeni Marie <jenimarie@nwoffshore.com>
Bremerton, WA USA - Friday, November 10, 2000 at 15:48:12 (EST)

This Jeremy, this is not in any sense pulling myself away from the issue, needs a relationship with Christ. Not a knowledge of God, not even a Knowledge of Christ becoming man dwelling among humanity and the dieing for us all, but a personal one on one relationship with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit that dwells within the believer. I will be praying for all that have written in but mostly you need to pray for each other and for me. Yes life is lonely at times and we just need a friend and if we all, who are believers, give ourselves to each other as Christ gave himself for us, we will see the hope that is intrinscally a part of this life and the life to come. Pray for me as I pray for you.
ronnie <craig_giles70@hotmail.com>
Peterborough, ontario Canada - Thursday, November 09, 2000 at 19:22:21 (EST)

never in my life have i been so tuched. Its like jermey speaks words that i wouldn't dare let leave my soul. where can I meet him, how can I tuch him? he has already tuched me in places i once thought were reserved for my dads second cousin, Jeb.
josef islam <ala@verinet.com>
fort collins, colorado USA - Thursday, November 09, 2000 at 15:13:28 (EST)

Have you seen this novel they wrote? If anybody wants to talk about it email me.
Derek Jay <peon12@hotmail.com>
USA - Monday, November 06, 2000 at 13:50:35 (EST)

I started feeing this way when i was 12 I can explian what i feel but its a hate full feeling. I try to kill my self alot of times but i never went to the hospital, one time i almost cute myself in fornt of me. I never told my mom how i feel i am in a good house hold. but there is something that about me that i my mom wont like and it to hard to tell someone how u feel. i am afride if i get so unhappy that i will really kill myself. I know that my famliy will be upset and some of my class. know i am 13 and i have no reason to live in my life....it's hard to live every day with with a rude and hurtful life. A.k MI
Angela <Angelkass@yahoo.com>
Bellevue, Michigan USA - Saturday, November 04, 2000 at 19:45:40 (EST)

This website is really good i think that you guys are doing a great thing, and i need help really badly. I keep on going to these websites, they tell me the symptoms of depression, and i realized that thats why im like this. Im not a pessimist (or however you spell it) im just fucked up and i hate my life so much. i cant get out of bed, im a freshman in high school, 14 years old, theres somethign wrong with me. I tried to kill myself two summers ago. i think i was 12 or 13. It used to scare me to think about how i could be dead right now, and its like some of my friends are there for me, every now and then. But then they get tired of it. They get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they have their own problems. And i dont even want to get better. Sometimes i wish i would just keep getting worse until i actually end up doing it. Come to think of it, i wish that right this second. I've gone beyhond just the typical nutty teenager in america, "life sucks" for all the people in my high school, of course, but for me, ive gone beyhond the feeling that i hate life, i just want to get out of this. I hate it. I hope that someone out there understands and won't email me (if they read this and decide im worthy) and try to fix me. I just want someone to listen i wish i could complain without sounding preachy i wish i could just let someone know how i feel inside, really. thanks for this site. To all of you that feel like me too, i love you. Help me please -jess
Jess <MulletHunterNOFX@hotmail.com>
Suburbia, Ma USA - Saturday, November 04, 2000 at 17:23:43 (EST)

Hi, I am glad to know that I'm not the only one that feels alone. It seems like there is no one in this world that cares about me. I look around and see other people with friends, boyfriends or husbands and wonder what is so wrong with me that no one likes me or cares about me. It makes me wonder if I am a horrible person and I'm the only one that doesn't see it? I am 31 years old and a little over 4 months pregnant. I haven't seen the guy that got me pregnant since he got me pregnant. He knows that I'm pregnant and has never asked if I'm alright or if the pregnancy is progressing, the only thing he cares about is trying to get out of paying child support. I know that no one cares but it just felt good to say it. If anyone that reads this has ever experienced anything that I have, let me know.
michele <itsmechele@yahoo.com>
St Marys, Ohio USA - Saturday, November 04, 2000 at 01:06:43 (EST)

Obviously, you people who don't understand this website don't have depression. You don't know what it feels like to live with this. And it is NOT a problem, it is an illness.
Cindy <OOWeeYo@aol.com>
Scottsdale, AZ USA - Saturday, November 04, 2000 at 01:04:50 (EST)

I am 38 years old and should probably be able to help someone with words of wisdom, but the only one who can really help is God. Pray and trust, He loves you. Although you can't always feel Him, He is there and loves each of us.
gina <ginagl@yahoo.com>
USA - Thursday, November 02, 2000 at 23:22:43 (EST)

hi my name is TJ and i have been thinking about sucide all week cause y life is starting to seriously fall apert, im looking for the easiest way out, i can take pain so its no problem to cut myself, but that would be to easy, i dont do easy things. The girl im in love with doesnt love me back, my freinds arent really freinds any more, and the only people i care about seem so far away.
TJ <vip97@aol.com>
nj USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2000 at 16:40:21 (EST)

I am 27. I have suffered from depression since the age of 9. Recently, I was almost driven to suicide by the incompetence and cruelty of a doctor who tried to have me committed. People fear what they do not understand. If she had succeeded in "helping" me, I would be dead now.
Linda <noel122493@aol.com>
Montgomery, Alabama USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2000 at 15:45:05 (EST)

I forgot to put my age to let you know that anyone can suffer from depression. I'm only 20 and been suffering from depression since I was 11.
Jason <JasonH80@hotmail.com>
washington, Illinois USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2000 at 12:41:39 (EST)

I have thought about suicide and if it wasn't for my friends pointing out to me that I have a problem I would probably be dead right now. I was as low as anyone could get and even tried to kill myself a few times. I'm getting help now. I started taking Zoloft and that didn't work and now I'm on Prozac. I'm not going to talk you out of doing something to yourself, but I will tell you that no matter how bad it gets it always get better and get help if you need it.
Jason <JasonH80@hotmail.com>
Washington, Illinois USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2000 at 12:37:42 (EST)

my name is also jeremy i am dyslexic and manic depressant i have never attempted suicide but i do consume alot of painkillers and alcohol and nerve medicine , probably enough to kill your average bear , but i really dont care if i wake up tomorrow , if i dont i hope i go to heaven , its not my fault.
jeremy <fordpower4u@aol.com>
hayden, alabama USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2000 at 01:30:38 (EST)

Well I have to admit I am currently wondering if I should do what Jeremy has so attempted. So far I can find no reason not to. The only difference me and Jeremy would share is that if I were to attempt suicide I would succeed. If you have any thoughts to share with me I could more then use them right now.
Cameron <innocentlyevil27@aol.com>
corona, california USA - Tuesday, October 31, 2000 at 03:32:39 (EST)

it seems that your friend was psychotic, at that time...it doesnt impress me as long as its a commercial website luka §you will rest in my piece§
luka <lukazen@libero.it>
Forlì, italy italy - Tuesday, October 31, 2000 at 02:59:33 (EST)

I wonder how many people named Jeremy find themselves staring down the steap incline of a building searching for a reason not too ...........
Jeremy <viridianhue@cs.com>
USA - Monday, October 30, 2000 at 14:30:56 (EST)

Jeremey's aphorisms cannot be mistaken to be prophecy. Neither can esoteric language be taken to prove genius. Bathing in depression is characterized by this two egocentric traits. I seek not to criticize, just enlighten future readers of a commonly employed coping mechanism. My findings are not from a subjective vantage point, but from the likes of an objective observer.
David Shelton <shetlonbuds@hotmail.com>
Fort Collins, Co USA - Friday, October 27, 2000 at 14:15:25 (EDT)

I would like to give props to the people who use this website as a means to cope with their problems. Never give up hope, there is always something or someone worth living for. Thanks.
David Shelton <shetlonbuds@hotmail.com>
Ft. Collins, Colorado USA - Friday, October 27, 2000 at 14:08:41 (EDT)

With so much bullshit on the Internet, it's nice to see some real substance here. This entire site is curious. I can't put my finger on what it is. I'm downloading that novel--what the hell. I'll let you know how it is! I want to say to you guys that this site is damn cool. F---in out there!
New York, NY USA - Thursday, October 26, 2000 at 22:52:41 (EDT)

Hey! It's me Carrie again. I wrote in here quite a while ago. After that i have gotten alot of emails. Some supporting me and some questioning everything I said becuz they didnt understand it, and tellin me to suck it im.. im too young so move on with me life! But nothin's really helped since. I have like 3 psychs now. It seems none of them help.. And ive been put on meds! Ive switched twice now. I dont know why bother with meds when i have no faith in them at all! No one in my house understands anything im goin through! I jus get yelled at by my parents becuz of it! I come from a fine family i have no reason to be like this! They jus dont understand! And they keep gettin worse and worse! It feels I am the only one in the city/state that is like this. Often I am thinkin bout suicide, but then I will think bout hurtin others by doin that. But i do now think that they will be fine! But now i have also been talkin about runnin away wit my other friend! Maybe it will give me a chance to start over, or maybe it will make everythn worse! i dunno yet! But the risk of tryin excites me! I want to do it, but somethin's stoppin me. i still have 2 weeks left to decide. I dunno what im gunna do. but until then. I'll be mixed up.. jus as bad as before if not worse! Ill jus keep puttin fake smiles on for everyone and live a pointless life like always. Well i still need to thank this page cuz it still helps me more than anythin else! so thnx!! and keep it up!
Carrie <MeTaLNirV16@aol.com>
Bloomington, MN USA - Monday, October 23, 2000 at 00:09:26 (EDT)

I'm not going to say how much my life sucks or anything, but I understand why people kill themselves and why they go off the deep end. I have wanted to kill myself for 3 yrs. now and never had the balls. Alot of dry cleaning invovled. Every day is an overcast day.
Ian Brown <Fckit_1@excite.com>
Williamsport, Pa USA - Thursday, October 19, 2000 at 21:44:57 (EDT)

All I can say is keep it up. Don't let ANYTHING hold you guys back because as we all can see you are doing a really good thing.
Mass USA - Thursday, October 19, 2000 at 16:16:12 (EDT)

Hi, this is Lilly again. I worte a while back and a couple people wrote to me telling me to e strong and trying to get over the things that I was going through. I've noticed that it hasn't really helped much. For me it just seems like things have gotten worse. I could usually always put on a fake smile and go through life like nothing was wrong, and now all of a sudden it's like everything is just creeping up on me. I can't deal with this stuff, it's too much, and although I've tried getting help, that hasn't worked either. If anyone knows of anything I can do before i break down, please let me know. The other day at school I was sitting in class and for no reason at all, I just started to cry, it lasted for 2 and half hours. The thing was that I didn't know why I was even crying. I just was, and I couldn' stop myself. I felt so stupid, I hate being weak, and yet every time I try to be strong, it doesn't work. I don't know what to do. I held a knife to my wrist last nite, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Once again the weakness took over me. I know I could have done it, but it was just that I kept thinking of how it would affect everyone but myself. I wish I could talk to the guy who said that suicide is selfish. I want him to know that it's a lot harder for us to make the choice of doing something to ourselves, than everyone thinks. It hurts us as much as it hurts them, so we're not being selfish because we share the pain.
Lilly <Lovelylady345>
Trenton, NJ USA - Saturday, October 14, 2000 at 16:45:19 (EDT)

lonely thoughts drift along down a night time dream. to the few who take this song and enjoy it while they sleep. may nightingals and whispering tales float about your beds. and all the thoughts of death and loss meander from your heads. and during all your lovely slumber and quiet sleep. a wonderous day awaits the break to complete your wholesome dream.
megan <dream00maker>
gyton, ga USA - Wednesday, October 11, 2000 at 16:10:17 (EDT)

It is only when two minds connect that understanding can take place. It was interesting to read Jeremy's thoughts, and have the feeling of lonliness disappear. Finally I found someone to relate to, someone whos views parallel my own, someone who is real and understands the unexplainable.
K <Moun10ofMystery@aol.com>
Colorado USA - Wednesday, October 11, 2000 at 13:29:56 (EDT)

Thank you for doing a wonderful service for all of us depressed people. You have given us hope. I sometimes think of ending it all and then I think I can win this over.Thank you for giving me hope.
Dave <DFandMB98@aol.com>
Chicago, Ill. USA - Sunday, October 08, 2000 at 21:50:13 (EDT)

Hi, This is my first time here. I'm 32 married and I have a 7 month old son. I have been on a rollercoaster with depression for a good 8 years. Sometimes I wonder If The ride will ever stop. When I feel happy I wonder how could I ever have been depressed. Well recently depression has snuck up on be AGAIN. I have tried evrything. Even joined support groups but nothing seems to help. I just want to be happy and stay happy like other so called "Normal people". I'm trying a new medicine. Hopefully this will be the one I can stay on for good. I could use a friend. Please e-mail with any advice or suggestions. Thanks, Michelle
Michelle <Floridadmjs@aol.com>
Largo, Florida USA - Thursday, October 05, 2000 at 19:11:11 (EDT)

first I would like to say to all the people in here is First and fore most stop pitting yourselves. And I dont mean to sound harsh. The more you wallow the harder it is to be happy. Maybe some of us are alone without a spouse and feel lonely, maybe some of us cant find jobs and have froends 90 million miles away , but there is a solution to all of this..if it's not coming to you go out and get it. As for the woman who wants to go out but is tired of the same old scene, go out alone, being alone is scary because your with you and all your thoughts, but being alone and learning about YOU is the best gift anyone could give you. Because I bet if you were still with one of these men you'd be complaining that you never got to know the real you. SO my best advice would be to be greatful that you are still alive and you have three wonderful children and for the most part if you show them that you are a caring mother and that you are always there for them thats the reflection you will have on them. As for the 19 yr old, I say your to young to have your own apartment anyway, Ithink you should enroll in college and stop being a coward. Life is scary but you got to grab it by the ears and tackle that sucker! Life is a challenge and just that..accept it and like it. There really isnt any sense to be sad over things that are out of your hands and out of your reach to change. The only thing you can change is you and yor future. You cant change the past, its always going to be there but shit happens and we all have to learn in our own way how to let it go. I didn't mean to sound hasty its just so sad to watch you all be down on yourelves when there is so much out there to be happy for. I am here if you need to vent Meliss
meliss <ladysnoopyroc@aol.com>
NY, NY USA - Thursday, October 05, 2000 at 08:46:57 (EDT)

I have read some of the stories and the one that touched me the most was the mother who lost her child. i wanted to cry when I read it. I myself suffer from depression I have tried suicide twice but, I don't know if I really would have wanted to leave this world. My life growing up was confusing and I lost one of my parents when I was young. I was abused also at a young age and this still haunts me. I am a mother of three and would never want to leave my children I raise them myself and whithout me they would have no one. After I had my third child the depression hit hard and I was chlostrophobic,lonley,anxiety,depression I has a csecton and no one to help me. I loved the baby's father but he did not want a relationship with me he just wanted to use me. He is a good father to our child but he has left me feeling very sad. I took that hard also my other two children don't have a father that cares for them he doesn't even acknowlede their birthdays. So I am left doing this all myself. I wish this deoression would just go away sometimes I feel it just takes over my whole body and it will never go away. I look around at other people and think why can't I be like them happy in a loving relationship. I see a couple holding each other and they look so in love that it hurts me. It seems that I make akk the wrong choices in choosing a man for me and I don't want this to rub off on my children because I am their role model I don't want the life I had repeated with them. There are dauys when I just cry really hard and have no one to talk to. i feel very lonley and sad. I want to be the way I was before happy, fun. I don't even go out anymore with my friends because I am tierd of the same old seens. Before I never read much of the bible but, I read the gospel of St. John and it made me see things differently it was different because I never thought I would start reading the bible more. I know this is a long story but, I am depressed and know one knows how I feel unless they walked a mile in my shoes. I had those feelings of suicide. I just want to be happy. Jeremy is fortunate he has friends like you to relay what depression is like. When you are in a major depression the world seems different its like you are outside looking in and no one knows or understads how you feel. My firt inpatient was so scary I thought I don't belong here around all these crazy people I don't want to go to groups what would I get out of it. That was my first time my secound I gave it a chance and I never thought I would get a chance to speak and I finally did in a group therapy session and I let it all out. What made me feel a little better was knowing that other people had the same feelings and emotions I did they even had more things that were worse than mine and even though they were also depressed they supported me because they were the ones with me looking out when no one uunderstands. I hope someone will benefit from my story I look back and think how stupid this all was. I will try to go on at least for my children and you can tell Jeremy that he is not alone there are thousand of people out there with depression and other symtoms connecting to depression. I think jeremy will come around and make his self strong againPlease respond for I could use all the support I can get especially know when I am at my lowest state. Thank you for letting me express my story This week I had alot of confrontations with my babys father that set me back, I had a mini stroke and my grandfather that lives
jane doe <iamacherub7@aol.com>
wilmington, de USA - Thursday, October 05, 2000 at 00:20:13 (EDT)

I'm only 19, & I just hate life most of the time. It's just too hard. I just feel sooo old, I've always felt old, even my numerology says I'm an old soul, & that my life is basically gonna suux till i'm like 40 or 50 or something. I don't wanna wait that long for life to start gettin better. I don't know if I'd be ale to take another 20 - 30yrs of almost everything in my life really suckin. i'm 19, still live with my parents, no job & seem un able to find a job, failed yr 12 cauuse i was too slack in '98 at 17, the only 2 friends i got live to far away to visit more than every few years, one of them though i've know 3 1/2yrs & he lives 2 far away to ever visit over in america, i've got no real friends here to hang ouut with, cauuse i've always been a loner / social outcast & don't know why. I feel like I'm invisible to everyone around me, unless i scream & shout, & then i'm told to shut up, or that I don't need to yell to be heard, even though no-one hears / listens unless i do yell. I've wanted to suicide so many times, buut have always been to scared to try, that & the fact that I dn't want my parents & 2 best friends who i rarely / never see to hurt so bad again, like family has when other family members have died. I hate tafe. My life is home, sleep, tv, net, tafe. there's no spark in my life. I need a spark an adrenaline ruush in my life to feel life is worth living. I don't know who I am anymore, what I really like, or what I really want from life. ijust feel dead most of the time, no energy, no spark, & just emptiness, nothing to look forward to. sometimes i just cry uncontrollably when no-one's around. something that does help a bit though is writing poetry, or journaling, especially if you feel youu can't tell anyone how you feel, juust let it all out into a jouurnal or through poetry, or art or someother form of creative expression. it really honestly does help, cauuse it helps you to explore youself and find out why youu feel like youu do. also watchin shows like oprah, especially when people like gary zukov or dr phil is on really helps too. gary's books - sol stories & also seed of the soul are good books to read to help change yor life for the better, and any other books to help discover yourself are good to read. www.oprah.com is a good site to visit to, cauuse it has lots of helpfull information & chat like discuussion boards to help eathother too, as well as an online journal that is jst really helpful. it has good advice from different people abouut different things, and ways of going abouut improving yourself, youur life, and ways to minimise the effects of depression. after 2 years or so i'm still working at improving myself, buut lost it for 1 - 1/2years, & am now trying to regain who i am trying to keep myself from fallin back into the worst depression i ever had which happened at me last 3weeks of year 12, where I was unable to even get out of bed or stop crying for most of those 3 weeks. i hope i never get that bad again. i've suffered many more depression since then over the past near 2 years, bt thankfully i've still been able to walk around most of the time, even though it was uncontrollable crying for like 2mths straight & sometimes even now. but journalin & poetry really helps me heaps when i like that now, cause it's juust a good release, and you have to release in some form. i've even put most of my poems on my website, most of them being written while i've been depressed or crying from depression. if anyone wants to read any of them to see if it replicates your views of the world just ask me. If anyone just needs an ear to listen, then email me too, cause i'm better at giving advice than i am at taking it. & we can try & sort through & help eachother with our problems / feelings about life & the world together.
Galaxy Angel <galaxy_angel@hotmail.com>
Australia - Thursday, October 05, 2000 at 00:04:36 (EDT)

This is the first time I have been to this site and I am hoping that there is someone out there who understands the feelings that I am having. I am a 27 year old mother of a beautiful 5 year old daughter. Three years ago my three month old second daughter died from SIDS. Since this time I have been an emotional wreck. I am sick all the time and i have done the meds and the counseling, but I have not continued either one. I feel so empty and alone. I do not have the support that most people have. everyone thinks that since it has been three years i should be over it by now. Losing my daughter has changed my life in the most profound way and I do not like the person i have become. I have hit the bottom and I do not know how to get up. My 5 year old thinks it is normal for Mommy to be sick and not want to play. This hurts me more than anything in the world. I do not want to pass any of my terrible habits onto her, but i do not know how to begin to change. I am hoping that talking to other people who suffer from depression or something similar will at least be a beginning.
Tiffany <bobbyandtiff@home.com>
Fremont, CA USA - Wednesday, October 04, 2000 at 19:31:31 (EDT)

Well I have been thinking and have come to the conclusion that everyone should try to look at one positive thing in their life eachday. I think it is also impotant to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and say hi and that you love yourself. We dont know what our purpose and thats why we are living to figure it out. Please try to stay strong, I know it is hard especially when you feel overwhelmed and filled with saddness. If you do at least one thing a day that makes you happy it may affect the way you feel about life and yourself. Its so easy to become negative when everything around you is negative. its on tv, the newspapers, movies, books, etc.. If you beat that and make yourself realize to appreciate the world around you, I truly believe that it will enable you to be a better person. We are all young and have such a long trying and exciting road ahead of all of us. Outsiders will never understand just how deep your pain goes, but you do, and you most of all are the ones that cam fix it and elimiate anyone from hurting you again. There is a line we must all draw. Its all a learning process, somethings are out of our hands, somethings we just cant do anything about and those things need to be left in the place where they have arisen from. I believe we are all searching for medium. Most people feel the same I believe but are taught it is wrong to feel saddness and its wrong to not love what is going on around them especially when the world as a whole is in such termoil. But it isnt our fault and all we can do is play the roll and learn our own form of happiness.
Meliss <ladysnoopyroc@aol.com>
NY, NY USA - Wednesday, October 04, 2000 at 10:24:23 (EDT)

Hello everyone, Ummm I don't really know where to start from. Im a 19 year old male, but I have an emotional break down about once a week and just start shedding tears as if a family member just died. My family has been more than Caring and more than helpful, but I feel as if I cant be helped. I have tried to commit suicide twice but obviously failed, was almost placed in an institution. I told the psyciatrist what he wanted to hear, which was all lies. I find myself longing about the past, doing the old "what if" senerio. I find myself thinking of all the people that have gave their life to make mine better, and all it does is depresses me more for not living up to expectations and not earning their loss. My life has not been bad at all, I have been lucky to have all that I do, but I cant stop feeling the way I do. This disease is eating me up inside, and its just getting worse, I wont try suicide ever again for my families sake, but I still keep wishing for that fatal car accident. What is life for anyway? what will we get from it? Why would anyone care? With so many people dieing everyday, what would another death be? To everyone that has submitted a post here, be strong, somthing good has to happen eventually, somthing to end this depression, you are not alone, we will overcome this.
Garen <Crazycraka19@aol.com>
Rexburg, ID USA - Wednesday, October 04, 2000 at 05:10:14 (EDT)

my fault people...i forgot too write my numbers so if ur gonna help...thats my email adress..thanx alot bye
alexis <thuggrl1402@aol.com>
philly, [a USA - Tuesday, October 03, 2000 at 22:44:11 (EDT)

hi...im alexis... i dont really no how i can explain myself...for like the past year or even years...ive been feeling really badd and down about everything...i dont know what though...i just cant ever be happy..its like everything around me and what goes through my life makes me sick...i always think too myself..should i be here...is there a purpose..i dont even know anymore...a lot of drama goes on in my life too...i always fight with my mom we dont get along..me and my brother barely get along cuz i can barely stand him half the time and so on..its like if i talk too someone i really dont even know if they are gonna understand me..especially my friends..its hard..i really cant tell people my probs..cuz all i kno they r gonna do is feel sorry for me and i dont want that..i want help..ive tried killing myself before but that never works...only makes it worse..i try and hide being so upset and sad all the time by acting happy..but im really screaming and crying inside..i dont know why..i have a lot of friends school is good and im a athlete and all...but theres just something in my head thats like telling me im nothing..why am i here..i should be gone..and the scary thing is i dont even think anyone is gonna care even if i did care...will they shed as many tears and i am now going through this pain in my bosy..ill never know...but if anyone can help me figure out what i can do...please email me back...thanx alot and hang in there everyone...it get better one day for all of us...hopefully..one love muahz 2 u guys... ~*~alexis
alexis <thuggrl@aol.com>
philly, pa USA - Tuesday, October 03, 2000 at 22:35:34 (EDT)

I hate my life i wih i was dead. I am 20 with 3 kids and a my fiance left me. I am terribly ashamed of myself because i never wanted these chidren. I want to die. Any advice on how to do it?
lucy <stellargoddess78>
NY, NY USA - Tuesday, October 03, 2000 at 16:07:05 (EDT)

I am actually kind of relieved that there is such a site as this one. I stumbled upon on the hopes of identifying whatever it is I am facing inside. I feel terribly lost inside. I am 22 and I feel like I have know direction. I want things for myself but I just dont have the confidence to achieve them. I am self destructive and feel that if I am happy for even a moment that it will be taken away some how. I continue to live in this dark space and my family and fiance think I am wacked cause I am constantly moody. Its recentyl become a little worse. I trample on everything and I feel like I will never be able to hold onto any sort of happiness. I have tried to kill myself twice but nobody ever found out. I feel like my soul is begging me to end this sorry ass life of mine but I just dont have the guts to try it again. I feel misunderstood and alone. I have know idead of how to make this stop. I have tried journals and i have tried counseling but right away I was judged and told I needed medication. Somedays I wish i could just crawl up in a ball and stay like that forever. Something inside keeps me going so I guess something good will come out of all this. I just want to feel normal whatever normal feels like. I mean, know one is meant to be happy all of the time..but neither should they be sad and uncomfortable with themselves every waking moment. Everyday I wake up worried and confused and scared. I cant understand why I feel this way. I have many reasons why I should be happy, but whenever I smile someone always seems to hurt me or something will always arise out of the blue to kick me of teh pedastool i once so ever rarely put myself on. If anyone can relate please email me. I sometimes wonder if I have a mental disorder.
Melissa <ladysnoopyroc@aol.com>
NY, NY USA - Tuesday, October 03, 2000 at 10:34:37 (EDT)

ok so well i got a few things from my recent comment about myself worring about my best friend. (laditzy) and well quite frankly i feel as if perhaps i should have done that at all. perhaps al we need are our friend ship (let alone our understanding of each other) to keep on going..as far as i no we have a small group of a few odd people whome just dont have exsuses to keep it up ne more..so were here for each other to keep outselves going. mabe others should try that as well..it seems to me like some good advise. and also i have noticed that reading these comments have mabe your life brighter by helpnig these people....just a thought from a person who understands... sincerely.. meg
meg <dream00maker>
ga USA - Monday, October 02, 2000 at 16:08:53 (EDT)

i may sound like a sob storie but the truth is that i think im losing my mind and im on the verge of collapse. the only joy left in my life was to go out and get stoned with my friends but that came to an end, by way of the police figuring out that im a drug dealer so i chose to go clean.its bad enough im goin nuts i dont need to get arrested to top it off.im 17 i live in a small ass town full of old people and cops with ten foot sticks up thier asses wich in turn gives them the right to harass all the local kids and there is something just not cosher about this.i no longer have friends that i can trust and im so paranoid that my g-friend is cheating on me that i cant even have a good relationship with her but even still i go through each day hoping that it will all get better soon.over the past 4 years ive tried to convince myself that suicide is the key to my happiness but i cant ever bring my self to do it i always talk myself out of it.i dont expect any one to respond to this because its pathetic but if anyone reads this and can relate in any way please e-mail me i need closure and even if you dont i love to try and help others with thier problems so im not usually on but if i am ill be sure to try and help anyway i can.......peace out (aka) hack masta flex always listening john....B^)
john <babbaboie@aol.com>
shit hole, nj USA - Monday, October 02, 2000 at 15:18:25 (EDT)

MEGAN <MJ1847917300@AOL.COM>
BASTROP, LOUISIANA USA - Monday, October 02, 2000 at 05:55:00 (EDT)

Hi, my name is Stacy and i am 30 years old and I have been depressed all my life. As long as I can remember I have been so sad. When I was in high school I tried to take my own life several times by slitting my wrists or trying to take to many pills... For awhile I was fine and then my life turned upside down when at the age of 24 I became a single mom. I haven't been able to be happy for a long time but I always put of a happy front so my child and my family will not see how I feel. I know that I shouldn't feel soooooooooooo depressed because my life is finally back on track but you know what I am still really depressed. Sometimes I wish that I could start life all over again and be a happy person but that will never happen so what do i do. I have been in counseling so many times I have lost count and I have just started back up. What do i do. Life is so mean at times and you know what people are even meaner than life itself. At least we can sometimes deal with life and what it has to dish us. But people are cruel and ugly about things and you cannot escape them especially when they are your family... Well thanks for letting me bend your ear. At least I now know that I am not alone in this vast world and that I am not crazy to think I am the only one who feels this way...
Stacy Heron <nvywfe4evr@aol.com>
California USA - Monday, October 02, 2000 at 03:15:30 (EDT)

I don't understand why i feel like i do, and that frightens me, but i dont really have a reason to feel any negative way about my life. I'm the type of girl who seems to have everything i could ever want. I'm generally considered to be a good person all around, my parents are well-off, i make good grades, i have lots of friends, but i dont have anything. More than anything, my life bores me. Thats all, i know it sounds snobbish and selfish, but thats my only problem i think. Also, people say suicide is selfish, is it not just as selfish to want a person to remain alive, but unhappy, just b/c it'd hurt other people? I think that wishing someone to remain in torment is like wishing death upon them. Everyone who`s posted a comment seemed to have a diagnosed disorder, or to really hate their lives with good reason, i dont really hate my life, i dont really have a reason to hate it. I don't understand how any words, however harsh they may be, could cause anyone THAT amount of pain. I really dont understand any of this at all, i understand my logic, but i dont understand my feelings, i dont understand why i have them. I'd like it very much if someone with insight into this particular type of situation could get back to me on it. I hope the rest of you find whatever it is you're looking for, may it be life or death.
Rissa <LaDitzy@aol.com>
USA - Sunday, October 01, 2000 at 21:30:16 (EDT)

Hi, my name is Lilly, I'm 16, and I've tried to kill myself a lot of times. I first started when I was in 7th grade. I know a lot of people think that it's weird for someone so young to try to do that. Not many people understand. I live in a bad environment. My parents abuse me mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm constantly told that i'm worth nothing, and deserve nothing from life. I have 3 scars on my wrist. they are a constant reminder of my problems. I try to hide myself by being happy all the time, meanwhile i'm hurting so bad on the inside. Sometimes I want to scream to the world that I'm hurting so bad, but i'm so afraid of what people might do. Sometimes i want to drink clorox, and other times i just want to drown myself. I started taking drugs, but my parent's found out, and that was another bad thing. I don't know what to do anymore, i go to sleep crying all the time. I'm so depressed.
Lilly <Lovelylady345@hotmail.com>
Trenton, New Jersey USA - Sunday, October 01, 2000 at 19:33:34 (EDT)

hey everyone. i never came to this site before and i read a lot of posts. im 16 and i've been depressed for as long as i can remember, but it goes up and down. its weird. ive learned to live with it, but lately its been hurting so bad. its just sitting in me hurting. like a pain. but at the same time im happy. but i really hope that you all can find a peice of happyness for yourself. not for anyone else. just find something, try starting small. thats what i do, i'll get a collouring book and just colour a really rainbowy brite vibrant picture that tickles my eyes and it just maked me happy. or i just listen to music. if nothing maked you happy, smile to yourself in the mirror. look at your reflection smile back at you. then praise yourself, and listen to the reflection praise you.. just a thought. i hope you all find what it is that completes you. i really mean it. please take care. with much love and care : cocoa
CoCOa <okealoha@aol.com>
petaluma, ca USA - Sunday, October 01, 2000 at 03:15:24 (EDT)

CA USA - Sunday, October 01, 2000 at 01:48:52 (EDT)

Okay. My name is Jen. I've been depressed for about 5 years. I'm 21 years old. It all started when I was 16 and was told on a regular basis that I was nothing, I was fat, ugly, and stupid. I was also harassed in middle school and elementary school. I droppped out of school because I couldn't take the ridicule anymore. Recently I moved into a new apartment. I had a job I hated but I did it. I tried talking to my mother about it. Even told her 'I should just kill myself already' and all she said was 'Yeah Jen, that's smart to say.' and dismissed it. They didn't wake up to the fact that I was severly depressed until I locked myself in the apartment, didn't answer the phone and cried for days straight. I even told my mother I wanted to disown her and my whole family and that I hated her. Told my sister the same thing. They woke up after that. They realized this wasn't me. But then they dismissed it again as long as I put on a happy face. I'm depressed every day now and I know I need help but I can't talk to anyone. I feel ashamed to feel like this and I do just want to end my life. I want the pain to go away. I want my depression to go away. I feel like such a failure in my family's eyes. I have no idea what to do so any advice will help. Just email me. Thanks so much and I know exactly what everyone is going through. Because i've tried many times to kill myself. Slitting my wrists, suffocating myself and pills. I don't know what to do. I'm stressed and burned out. So please, any advice will help.
Jen <LiLMaFiaChiCk@aol.com>
NY USA - Saturday, September 30, 2000 at 01:18:08 (EDT)

Hi everybody. My name's Kerry and I'm almost 21 years old. I have known I suffer from depression since I was 10 but no one really believed me until a year ago during my sophomore year in college when my boyfriend and I broke up-and I broke too. I didn't want to get out of bed anymore and one day I bought a bottle of sleeping pills and had I not told my counselor about it I probably would have taken them and ended it all. I went home for the semester, and then when I came back in January everybody treated me like a freak. Old friends who I had been close to started talking about me instead of to me. And to make matters worse I was still depressed...my life was better but there was still a black mist hanging over me that is still there even today. Right now my life is better than it has been in years...I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much and who I know loves me, I have some very close and supportive friends, and I love what I'm doing. Still, even when things are great my depression problem seems to loom over my head. My life is fine and yet I still don't want to get out of bed in the morning. We've barely had five weeks this semester and I've already missed the maximum amount of classes for the year. My friends think I'm lazy or not motivated but that's far from true...I love learning, I love college, I love life, but there is this crazy sickness inside me that pollutes my efforts and makes doing the simplest tasks so difficult. I have trouble even getting up for my 11am classes...I will wake up and just feel like my body's made of lead, and for no explanation. Sometimes I think my body and my pysche are tired of fighting the depression. I've been to a countless number of counselors throughout the years, taken practically every pill in the book, and still I can't quite end the depression. Right now I am tired of drugs and I am tired of talking to counselors, I just want to make this horrible disease go away. Today one of my English professors made an analogy to a weed, I think I see the depression that way. I am a garden that has so many goals, so many wants, so much passion to live and to dream, but there's this weed call depression choking me up, and no matter how much weed killer I spray it refuses to die. I really want to finish college and to go on to have a career as a college professor of women's literature, but I am afraid the depression will hold me down, that it will stop me from being the person I want to be. I'm going to a great school now but I don't know how much longer I can stay here before the stress of the depression makes things impossible. There is no name for students who suffer from depression, no face, no collective conciousness. It's a legitmate illness, but not legtimate enough to convince my professors that I am not a lazy, bad student, rather I am a unique student who has different needs from other students, but in this day and age there is no recognized manner to accommodate people like myself. I am terrified I am going to slip through the cracks. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, survival tips, please let me know.
Kerry <kerrbear86@hotmail.com>
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania USA - Friday, September 29, 2000 at 20:55:13 (EDT)

Hi, I am Mandy. I stumbled across this story and site while doing research on depression. I have been debating writing a book. I am 40 years old and reading Jeremy's words and your young stories and pleas bring back memories and make my heart go out to all of you. I was a depressed child, teen and adult. I too tried to commit suicide several times and I embarrassed my parents who are part of the "don't speak, don't tell" generation. I lived, and I learned to live with the illness as best that I could. I had a career, married late in life and even recently had my first child. I never had luck with psychiatrists, therapists or counselors. So many let me and us down and I did not discover medication until I was 36 years old. It is still a struggle and it is hard to ask for help, but the "dark thoughts" are so fewer. Jeremy's writings remind me of a very good friend of mine who was manic depressive and had a very bad break when I was about 20 years old. She spoke very deeply, and in the same way. We wrote alot of her thoughts down. Because I was a depressed person I think I understood parts of what she was trying to say when most people were just uncomfortable around her. It was the "mania" talking trying to communicate as best she could. My friend has been on lithium for most of her life. She seemed almost a poet, a genius when she was sick. Make no mistake, she was sick. Life will go on hopefully for all of you and there will be some very good years and times for you. God Bless. Septmeber 27, 2000.
Mandy <coltonf@aol.com>
Louisville, KY USA - Wednesday, September 27, 2000 at 13:06:26 (EDT)

This is the "ris" that Meg ( Dream00maker@aol.com) was referring to, yes i did get really depressed, and yes, i did write a bunch of suicide notes, i didnt actually plan on killing myself, it just made me feel a lot better to get it all down on paper, I worry about meg too, but we both seem to be looking at this a little differently.
Marissa <LaDitzy@aol.com>
georgia USA - Tuesday, September 26, 2000 at 18:26:54 (EDT)

ok so here goes..um well i gues it was our past that brought me and my best friend (ris) together.. we both have been a little "odd" in our school so we banded together to be this dif. set of people. me and her both are depressed in very dif ways. i personally am very secret about it all..neitehr of my parents ever knew that there was something wrong and i am now going on 2 yrs of that. risa on the other hand does not rely care who knows but does not flaunt the cold fact that she may be suicidal. i am writting this b/c today i heard from ehr that she was going to kill herself last night and had all of her "last notes" in her hand . i read some of them the next day and found my self taking it very lightly.i am worried about her but i dont tell her . but i feel i may be running out of time for her and myself. so if there is any advise please do tell b/c i could rely use some right about now.
meg <dream00maker>
USA - Monday, September 25, 2000 at 17:02:34 (EDT)

I understand everthing that people go through that have bipolar,I also have it. I have had it for some time and no one recognized it neither did I. Now, I take medication and more medication everyday. I will have to for life. Suicide is one of my most scariest thoughts. I have a hard time dealing with it. Please anyone with some thoughts or advice please let me know. I really appreciate it.
Inez Elkins <Eyenez02@aol.com>
Midkiff, WV USA - Monday, September 25, 2000 at 16:29:16 (EDT)

Man, I just cant believe this! Jeremy speaks the words that are so very true, that I have had in my head for like a year now and have not been able to get out. I kind of have the feel of what this is all like. I myself have attempted suicide maybe 2 times now. I really dont know what to do with myself. I am also a cutter. I dont know if all of you know what that is, but it is someone who cuts them selves whenever one little thing goes wrong, and they believe it takes the pain away. I have scars up and down my arms from this. It is horrible lookin at my arms and remembering all the pain, and knowing the pain i still have. I am talkin with a psychiatrist and i am also goin to the doctor, they will prolly put me on some anti-depressant pills, but how am I to know they will work. I have plenty of friends just like me, and they took pills for a while and it did not work. I just dont know what to do. I just can not be happy no matter what. I know nothin is perfect.. but i feel i have no reason to be like this. Plus! I even know the damn cutting doesnt help me solve anything at all. i jus cant help it, its like apart of me now, its like an addiction!Anyways I about go to this page everyday about. I feel it helps, to know someone like him is out there who pretty much undersetands everything and sees my side of things. Oh, and if There is some way I can get into the Jubilee thing I'd love to know how.. or know the password. Id be interested to see what is in there. Thanx alot. And the best of luck and faith to jeremy and the rest of you!
Carrie <MeTaLNirV16@aol.com>
Bloomington, Minnesota USA - Monday, September 25, 2000 at 16:28:44 (EDT)

hi my name is kelly and im not sure what im about to tell ya'll but i need to get this out. im not really sure whats wrong with me except for that im deprresed and i tried killing my self a couple weeks ago. i took a bottle of pills that i was suppose to be taking for my back. i layed in my bed after taking them and nothing was happening. so i then got on the internet and looked up what would happen to me if i overdosed on those pills. well come to find out nothing. i just really sick and i was vomiting. im kinda glad that that was the worse that happen, but im not sure if im not gonna try it again. i know i need help....my parents now know but i dont think they actually know how serious it is. they took me to the doctors once and they put me on these pills that start with and (seryzone maybe not sure). but anyways i have now stopped taking those pills. my parents havent said anything about since then. i think they are pretty much in denial. like its not suppose to happen to me. what i mean by that is i come from a wealthy familly, i make semmy good grades, im on the girls varsity golf team, and i was homecoming queen this year for my high school. so i think they think its not suppose to happen to me. i kinda belived the same thing for a while. i really need help, i am some what proud of my self for at least admitting that, but i know im far from getting help. im afraid! please help! im afraid im gonna end up some were i dont wanna be like hell ( because its against my religion to commit suicide) im not afraid of going to a hospital, if thats what it takes to get me better then ill go. all i want is my normal teenage life back. im normally a happy cheerful teennage girl.i put on a front for all of my friends and family they all think everything is peechy keen when its not. so somebody please email me back with some words of wisdom. thank you for your time. i really appreciate it.
kelly <sassy62182@aol.com>
arlington, texas USA - Thursday, September 21, 2000 at 19:42:07 (EDT)

I don't know what to say... I'm completely in awe. I don't understand how this society can put people with such brilliant and thought provoking ideas as Jeremy's in the place where he is today. I found truth in everything he had to say, but I wonder, does he actually believe these things. I wish only the best upon all of you. You are great friends and I'm sure Jeremy realizes this too. If there is ever anything that can be done to help (Jeremy or any of you) let me know and I'll do my best. Everyone keep on loving yourself and your friends.
Laura <doz19@aol.com>
Wellesley, Ma USA - Monday, September 18, 2000 at 19:49:13 (EDT)

here it goes and it is a long one bear with me!!!well about 6 months ago i got into a car crash and after that i felt that it was an awakening but now when i lay down at night i get these images in my head that i dies in the car crash and for some reason that is the greatest thing because i am the type of person that feels they need to please eveyone and i try to do so but there is only a certain amount of things you can do to make another happy i get so disgusted with myself for not being able to do so,,,and i have alot of things that just keep on attacking me like what have i done wrong to this person why isn't that person listening to me,,,and i cannot stand that i am 17years old and every day i am just beat down with the comments from my parents and adolescence of what are you gonna be in life probably nothing why can't you just get off your ass and do something ,,we don't care about you we don't love you i'm sick and tired of taking care of you,,you are worth nothing you will amount to nothing ...all these things that are basically tost at me are just over whelming...i cannot to event think of how many times i have sat in my bathroom and just had a razor blade in one hand and just thinkin of how can i make other peoples lives better which i think it would be for me not to be here.i now that i have found out that my father is killing himself by smoking but does he care who he hurts UHHH NO...even though i have the thoughts of me wanting to kill myself it makes so much sense,,,and the only thing that i know is right,i am not happy and the most thing i want in this life is not to have one ,,and taking pills don't work,,slitting your wrist don't work ,,drinkin just makes it worse,,standing on a bridge at 3:30 in the morning makes you think of to much stuff that pisses you off and ther is NO FUCKING WAY OUT!! but who gives a shit anyway ,,,i know.....no one!
kasey <anjilmint1>
mobile, alabama USA - Sunday, September 17, 2000 at 17:03:56 (EDT)

umm hi. my name is cortney i am 14 years old and i almost died last wednesday. i was wondering if anyone had advise 4 me... or they needed sum or sumthing i can do. i took a bottle of pills after slitting my wrist trying 2 end my pain. i layed in my bed and waited 2 die. that was the worst feeling in the world. i just wanted 2 feel as if im not alone ne mroe so sumbody PLEASE e-mail me back at APPLEcheeks03@aol.com. thanx
Cortney <APPLEcheeks03@aol.com>
maple heights, ohio USA - Saturday, September 16, 2000 at 16:51:33 (EDT)

Hi I just wanted to say that "insanity" is not what some people think. our society is fucked up, there are people dying of diseases that we have the cures for ,kids starving, wars, and people in general are just scumbags but we're supposed to be happy about a glass being half filled. Insanity is being able to see the truth. being unable to hide it. i don't blame your friend for wanting to die. i know how he felt, to not want to wake up in the morning, to sleep to pass time, to not sleep at all to avoid that whole process, to not smile because you know how sad you are and how fake you would feel to follow through with an act. hopefully the part of him that couldn't live with himself did die. i hope you're friend feels better! sway
sway <saelism @aol>
Staten Island, NY USA - Tuesday, August 29, 2000 at 00:38:39 (EDT)

I am going to be 21 on the 27th of this month. I have had a long history of what doctors were calling A.D.D. However 4 weeks ago my psychiatrist diagnosed me as having Bi-polar manic disorder. On a trip this summer in Californis this summer I attempetd suicide twice. I have been experiencing the full blown adult onset and my first deep mania this summer. I hope Jeremy every on of your prayers is answered, I am praying for you and me bro. I am also looking for a support group and if oyu know of one please email me, and also I am so new to my disorder if you have any information that you think would help me please email that as well. Thank you so much, and I am happy I ahve people who understand what I am going through.
John Rhea <rheajohn@usa.net>
Houston, Texas USA - Monday, August 14, 2000 at 23:26:22 (EDT)

Hell of a story; Free Jeremy!!
Smithy <sws@vom.com>
USA - Monday, August 14, 2000 at 15:56:34 (EDT)

Wow! I'm intrigued. Where can I buy the book?
Sue <Hm7744 @ aol .com>
Weston, Fl. USA - Friday, August 11, 2000 at 18:12:21 (EDT)

Look inside yourself and realize there is something very special about you - never doubt it!
Dana Reddick <DRed545393@aol.com>
Pooler, Ga USA - Sunday, July 23, 2000 at 18:34:54 (EDT)

Well you guys replied very quickly ... to my momemt amount feelings of lonelyness... I am lonely and i want some one i can talk to ....I wish when i pray to god it happens just like that... My birthday was yesterday and before that day came i prayed to god hella times for me to be gone on that day...My prays never came true..i think i'm going to make it come true...
Talented Gurl <Talentedgurl@aol.com >
Deadwood City , C.A. USA - Thursday, July 20, 2000 at 02:24:18 (EDT)

I've been thinking about killing myself... and it's true emotions can be hard to figure out. I'm always feeling like theres no hope for me and my parents are just going to be mad for no damn reason at all... when I tell people I feel like killing my self ... I feel like there not listen or what i'm saying means nothing to them... Oh talking about it makes me hurt inside.... Thanks for listening ... Dee
Talented Gurl <TalentedGurl@aol.com>
Deadwood city , C.A. USA - Thursday, July 20, 2000 at 02:17:13 (EDT)

I myself know was Jeremy is going through. I have tried to kill myself many a times, but I never succeded in doing so. I wish him and all his friends the luck that they need to get Jeremy out of the place that he is in today.
Portland , Oregon USA - Monday, July 17, 2000 at 05:22:31 (EDT)

This Jeremy (does he have a girlfriend?)
Gretta Bernhart
Santa Clara, CA USA - Tuesday, July 11, 2000 at 19:05:19 (EDT)

I found Jeremy's words to be very interesting. I wish him the best and hope he has a full recovery.
Palentio <pale@hotmail.com>
Seattle, WA USA - Monday, July 10, 2000 at 22:07:25 (EDT)

Wow... I am impressed...believe me I how much guts and how much pain it takes to put yourselves out there like this. I have struggled too on both ends...seeing others "lose it" and having "lost it" myself. But some of the most well-known souls were the most tortured in their lives. Brilliance and insanity--sometimes the lines are closer than they appear. My only hope is no matter how deep the wounds are you will continue this site to help heal not only Jeremy, but yourselves. You are all true friends to stick by him during these trying times. Only in the darkest points of my life have I found my true friends...precious and few they are. Keep up the good work
Nic <APoeticGemini@aol.com>
NYC, USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 23:58:33 (EDT)

humbling info??????
Pat <stingonator@aol.com>
anywhere, USA - Wednesday, May 17, 2000 at 23:58:19 (EDT)

so, what is Sam doing these days, "professionally" while he writes this stuff???
Pat <stingonator@aol.com>
anywhere, USA - Wednesday, May 17, 2000 at 23:55:27 (EDT)

really enjoyed looking at the website, you did a great job! keep it up& stay in touch.
deanna dunlop <ddunlop@chickmail.com>
jacksonville , fl USA - Monday, April 17, 2000 at 00:08:27 (EDT)

really enjoyed looking at the website, you did a great job! keep it up& stay in touch.
deanna dunlop <ddunlop@chickmail.com>
jacksonville , fl USA - Monday, April 17, 2000 at 00:06:27 (EDT)

my wife and i just finished reading the journal and the must says found everything very interesting i feel that the author of the journal may have problems dealing with his own depression but is better than he realizes.......he plays frisbee with his dog.....he watches the ducks.....and notices a child happy, playing with a yo-yo.....SOME PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES NEVER NOTICING HAPPY CHILDREN....OR THE JOY OF PLAYING FRISBEE WITH THEIR DOG OR TAKE THE TIME JUST TO WATCH THE DUCKS.....your descriptive writing allowed me to see through your eyes, and feel what you were feeling......when my daughter was very young she once said to me"EVERYONE CRIES THEIR OWN TEARS" thank you for being so honest in your writing and allowing me into your creative world.....PEACE....BRIAN BRODY
brian brody <bribro826@aol.com>
las vegas, nevada USA - Wednesday, April 12, 2000 at 22:37:19 (EDT)

i read the must says and i read as much as i could and tried to download the adobe reader so i could start the book and it didnt work ...many years ago i was diagnosed with manic depression through the years and living with this which i prefer not to call an illness and not to label people (i realize that everyone has some sort of organic brain dysfunction!!!) my imagination and thought processes are just on a different level!.... (years ago they called it marching to a different drummer :) when i stopped thinking as myself as "ill" and just realized that i am a bit different and to go with the flow of this drum beat i was able to function much better and accept that this is who i am and like who i am also. days were i could not function as fully as i would have wanted to.. i was proud of myself for what ever i did on those days i realized that the person i was before was no longer here and accepted the new me and realized thats fine also...i am not sugar coating this and i had some very very hard times and consider myself a very stong person and a survivor....but as i got older and just realized that this is who i am and learned to live my life and not think of myself as ILL ..it got easier i would really like to be able to read the book i am not very good with computers so if you could please explain to me how to be able to get the adobe thanks so much.......wishing you joy , love and laughter...nancy
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA USA - Wednesday, April 12, 2000 at 20:14:32 (EDT)

The "Must Says" are filled with great insight and unusual wisdom. The brillance of the author moves us. Thank you for sharing the story with the world. We wish you love & joy.
Irwin & Claire <iwakavirgo>
Pembroke Pines, FL USA - Wednesday, April 12, 2000 at 18:55:31 (EDT)

Well done Jeremy
SK <ortho@mediaone.net>
Atlantic Beach , FL - Sunday, April 09, 2000 at 14:56:40 (EDT)

Who the hell does this Jeremy freak think he is? Tell him to shut the f--k up and go bother somebody else.
Sarah <rather not say>
NY USA - Monday, March 27, 2000 at 20:36:36 (EST)

wow- blew me away!!!! I am fascinated, keep me updated with volume 2
rachel <raunchy14@aol.com>
Hollywood, FL USA - Sunday, March 26, 2000 at 23:33:46 (EST)

What a great Website. It really catches the readers attention and holds on to him. Under what topics can a person find you if they were brousing through topics of interest to them?I'm leaving my comments now and I'm goin back to explore this website again.A great job!Good Luck!Cy
Cy Samuels <samuelss@pbcc.cc.fl.us>
Lake Worth Florida, USA - Monday, March 20, 2000 at 12:19:59 (EST)

bit me
hihloghlfdda <hjyjj@m,yass>
USA - Sunday, March 19, 2000 at 03:49:46 (EST)

bite me
ppool <yju@oli.cum>
USA - Sunday, March 19, 2000 at 03:49:04 (EST)

Jeremy, where ever you are, my heart goes out to you. -Emily
Emily <cord432@hotmail.com>
Madison, Wisconsin USA - Wednesday, March 15, 2000 at 14:56:59 (EST)

What can we do to help?
Robert Aulet <flintbox@msn.com>
New York, New York USA - Tuesday, February 29, 2000 at 22:55:56 (EST)

I thought I was the only one. I understand Jeremy. Keep it up! Don't let them beat you down. They're just $#@!? scared.
Chaz T.
Santa Cruz, CA USA - Tuesday, February 15, 2000 at 23:05:28 (EST)

You cannot hurt anyone. No one can hurt you. Your thoughts and perceptions are what causes pain in your life. Open-minded people are the most joyous....
Port St. Lucie, FL USA - Monday, February 07, 2000 at 13:45:51 (EST)

I wonder where Jeremy comes from. Does he believe what he says?
J.J. <none>
Texas USA - Thursday, January 27, 2000 at 22:28:19 (EST)

I am bipolar, my son is bipolar. When he was 17 he shot himself in the mouth, three years later physically the only defect is missing teeth. He stayed in a mental hospital for 5 weeks.He also has had psychotic episodes, threating people. He is doing great after 6 more visits to hospitals and rehab. I wonder what state you are in.He takes his medication reguarly. God bless you all.
MollieRay <MollieRay@aol.com>
NC USA - Wednesday, January 05, 2000 at 19:44:48 (EST)



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